“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” That’s one of the biggest lies there is. There are probably very few adults who live each day in response to a physical thumping they received on the playground in fourth grade. There are plenty of adults who live each day in response to a cruel word spoken over them in fourth grade. People live their whole lives as an act of defiance against such words or as an act of defeat in the face of such words. Words are that powerful.
Be careful little mouth what you say is the calling here because words can do great good or great harm. We will see that words are among the greatest gifts we can give to each other and that words are among the greatest pains we can inflict upon each other. Sins of speech are consistently listed alongside flagrant immorality in the vice lists of the New Testaments because they are just as deadly. That’s why James said, “The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” Think about the trouble your words have caused you. Think about the trouble others’ words have caused you.
You’ve got an awesome power at your disposal. You can use it for good or ill. We all wield this power regularly whether we want to or not. That’s just part of what it means to be made in the image of God. You use words. Use them well. Proverbs shows us how. That’s the claim of this sermon: You use words. Use them well.
We will study this in three points. First: the power of words. Second: the value of words. Third: the use of words.
First: the power of words. You might not want the power of words, but you’ve got it. That’s usually how it goes with power. We want it until we recognize the responsibility that comes with it. That’s what kids realize when they become adults. That’s what employees realize when they get promoted. “Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” as Shakespeare put it and that ought to be true for all of us when it comes to the power of words.
Words are powerful. That’s what behind Proverbs 12:18, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” That’s not just true about Shakespeare’s words or a president’s words or a parent’s words. That’s true about my words. That’s true about your words.
Words penetrate deeply and they do so for good or ill. Proverbs 16:24, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” That’s using words for good. I forget where I read this story and I’m embellishing a bit, but it is about a young husband and wife. She had a stroke which left the left side of her face paralyzed. She was self-conscious about this but as time went on, she began to smile… with half her mouth that is. Her husband noticed her smile and knew that she was self-conscious about it and so once when she smiled, he said, “I think your smile is really cute,” and kissed her. She smiled a lot more after that. “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” That brings us to our first question, what words has God used to heal something in you?
Words penetrate deeply. They can also wound deeply. Imagine that same husband made fun of his wife’s smile. That’s “the words of the reckless pierce like swords.” That young husband had a choice, and he chose, “the tongue of the wise brings healing.” We are always choosing.
Words have great power to hurt, both words spoken to others and words spoken about others. That’s Proverbs 18:8, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.” We usually think of that proverb in terms of delighting to hear about someone else’s drama, but Bruce Waltke argues that those words of gossip also go down to the inmost parts of the person who is gossiped about. Being on the receiving end of people talking about you goes down deep. Plenty of high school students can attest to that. Plenty of people in the workforce can attest to that. Plenty of public figures can attest to that.
It is this power of words—this speaking—both to people and about people that led radio advice man Bernard Meltzer to give this now oft repeated advice, “Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”
Be careful little mouth what you say because you can’t cram those words back in once they’re out. Proverbs 13:3, “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” If we only said what was true, kind, necessary, and helpful, we would probably speak less. There is plenty that we all say that should be left unsaid. Saying whatever is on your mind is not a virtue. We live in an age that equates authenticity with speaking your mind. There is a reason that there is a distance between the mind and the mouth. Failing to mind that gap leads to trouble. That brings us to our second question—how has speaking before thinking gotten you into trouble?
So, words are powerful. They tear down or build up. Words also have relative value. Some are quite valuable. Others are worthless. That’s our second point: the value of words. There is far more careless talk out there than careful talk. That’s Proverbs 20:15, “Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.” This is going to run against the grain of our age which is obsessed with equality in all areas of life, but not everything everyone says deserves equal weight. Just think it through—why would anyone ever imagine that my opinions on raising cattle are as valuable as a cattleman’s opinions on raising cattle? Why would we think that someone who has never been a grandparent gives equally valuable advice on being a grandparent as an actual grandparent? We need to be discerning about who we choose to listen to in any particular area of life because, “Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.” There is much more uninformed, careless talk out there than is informed, careful talk.
The fact of the matter is life is intolerably complex. That’s what Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. was talking about when he said, “I would not give a fig for the simplicity this side of complexity, but I would give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity.” We need to accept that little of what is said falls into the category of simplicity on the other side of complexity and value the genuine insights we hear. We need to accept Proverbs 20:15, “Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.”
So we would be wise to be sure that we know what we are talking about. We would also be wise to grow in discernment in how to say what we say. That’s Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” An apple made of gold in a background of silver is a thing of beauty amidst beauty. The right word spoken in the right way at the right time fits that beautifully. Scripture gives us examples. Nathan’s rebuke to David after David’s murder of Uriah and affair with Bathsheba was an apple of gold in a setting of silver. Nathan knew David and so he knew how to confront David. You see Nathan’s wisdom in the way he used his words. Jesus’ redirecting of Martha was an apple of gold in a setting of silver. Martha was trying to involve Jesus into her squabble with her sister. Jesus refused to be dragged into a conversation that Martha needed to have with Mary. Essentially, he said, “Martha, Mary’s listening to me teach right now; you can listen to me teach too,” and went on teaching. It’s amazing to watch what Jesus does with his words. He is the master. That brings us to our third question—what words spoken to you have been the right words at the right time?
We don’t always speak knowledgably. Sometimes we can all act like the proverbial fool. We can all be the fool of Proverbs 18:2, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” As we mature, we have plenty of opportunities to look back on previous foolishness. Every young parent has come to regret statements they used to make about what others should do with their children. Everyone who has grown in maturity, regrets parts of their past. That is, after all, a sign of growth. We all behave like the proverbial fool at times. Proverbs is here to help us do so less and less.
We speak foolishly when we speak without understanding. We are also foolish to keep speaking to someone who refuses to understand. Proverbs 23:9, “Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words.” Jesus didn’t seek out dialogues with the Pharisees. He didn’t keep trying to correct them even though he knew they were wrong. He did exactly what Bruce Waltke said to do with this proverb, “The proverb implies that the son must take the spiritual measure of a person before responding to him in order to estimate beforehand the effect of his words on him.” Not everyone warrants a response in every moment. If the value of what you have to say will be ignored, it’s often sensible to keep it to yourself.
That brings us to the use of words. In some ways, application has run through our study of both the power of words and the value of words, but now we focus specifically on how to use words. That’s our final point: the use of words. As we begin to consider our use of words, we would do well to recognize that words are very difficult to use well. Jesus’ brother James warns us that taming the tongue is far harder than we imagine; “we all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.” We can all grow in how we use our words.
The first way to use our words is to consider speaking less. Proverbs 10:19, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” This is Meltzer’s wisdom, “Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”
Now this is also a reason to pray for those who must speak. We just finished up Pastor Appreciation Month and I very much appreciated the cards that spoke about how you are praying for me. Considering my responsibilities involves words, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking,” is an occupational hazard so I appreciate those prayers. The chances of anyone phrasing something unhelpfully over the course of a thirty minute discourse like a sermon is sizable. That’s the case when I’m speaking. That would be the case if you were speaking. That’s certainly the case when speaking on matters as weighty and intimate as those fleshed out in the Bible. That’s one of the reasons pastors appreciate prayer.
Now this proverb, “when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent,” isn’t a warning not to speak at all. It is just a reminder to be careful with what we do say and be aware that the more we speak, the higher the probability that trouble could arise. That’s reminder is in Proverbs 21:23 as well, “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.”
So we would be wise to consider how often we speak. We would also be wise to be sure that we understand what’s at stake when we are asked to speak. Proverbs 18:13, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” There is almost always more than meets the eye in any given situation. Just because someone wants a response in that moment, doesn’t mean a response in that moment is what’s best. Sometimes you aren’t getting the whole picture. We will see that in our study on conflict, “the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward.” Sometimes, in family situations you are dealing with patterns that have been in place for generations. We need to take stock before we weigh in. “The righteous are considerate and have self-control to reflect and not to react emotionally,” as Bruce Waltke put it.
We are wise to seek to understand what’s at stake before we speak. We are also wise to recognize that our manner of speech will help or hinder our purpose. Proverbs 25:15, “With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone.” The idea here is that true, kind, necessary, and helpful speech advances a cause better than untrue, unkind, unnecessary, unhelpful speech. Many of the most famous examples of this in our nation’s history come from the life of our sixteenth president, Abraham Lincoln. He was a master of communication. Think about his treatment of General Meade, the commander of the Army of the Potomac, during the Civil War. The northern army led by Meade had the southern army led by Lee pinned against a river. Lincoln wanted Meade to finish Lee off. Meade blundered. Lee escaped and the war went on for almost two more years. Lincoln wrote Meade what was for him a rather harsh letter, “[Lee] was within your easy grasp, and to have closed upon him would, in connection with our other late successes, have ended the war. As it is, the war will be prolonged indefinitely… I do not expect you can now affect much. Your golden opportunity is gone…” That was tough treatment from Lincoln. How did Meade respond? Meade never got the letter. Lincoln never sent it. He wrote it and kept it in his desk. One of Lincoln’s biographers, based on his study of Lincoln, imagined Lincoln’s logic going this way, “If I send this letter, it will relieve my feelings, but it will make Meade try to justify himself. It will make him condemn me. It will arouse hard feelings, impair all his further usefulness as a commander, and perhaps force him to resign from the army.” Instead, Lincoln stood with Meade.
Later when Lincoln appointed Ulysses S. Grant commander of the entire Union Army, Meade offered to resign as commander of the Army of the Potomac so Grant could put whoever he wanted in that slot. Grant assured Meade that he wanted Meade to stay. Grant later wrote that Meade’s offer to resign was even more impressive that Meade’s victory at Gettysburg. Meade remained commander of the Army of the Potomac until the end of the war. It could have been otherwise. If Lincoln handled the situation differently, an embittered Meade could have caused endless trouble and a breakdown in trust between the president and generals could have been disastrous for the Union. Lincoln didn’t deride Meade. Listen to the Meade’s description of his meeting with Lincoln after his blunder with Lee; “the President was, as he always is, very considerate and kind. He found no fault with my operations, although it was very evident he was disappointed that I had not got a battle out of Lee. He coincided with me that there was not much to be gained by any farther advance.” Lincoln handled this situation according to one of his own proverbs, “you catch more flies with a spoonful of honey than with a gallon of vinegar.” His speech helped rather than hindered his purpose. Our words advance or hinder our cause.
Use your words well. They can crush or encourage. Proverbs 12:25, “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.” Think about your workplace. Think about whatever projects you work on involving other people and then listen to Bruce Waltke, “Whereas anxiety knocks a person out of commission, the personal and kind, pleasant and sweet, timely and thoughtful word restores him with encouragement and hope.” That brings us to our final question—what kind word over the past three months has cheered you up?
Our words have an effect. They affect others. They also affect us. They affect our future. Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” You become what you speak. If you speak life, you will live. If you speak death, you will die. We shouldn’t be surprised that words are this bound up with who we are and who we will become. We are made in the image of a God who regularly explains Himself as the One who speaks. He takes on flesh and is known as the Word. Words matter more than we think. As Jesus said, “I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
By his words that young husband with the wife with the crooked smile will be acquitted and by his words he will be condemned. What’s inside us comes out of us by way of words. That’s wise for every husband to remember. That’s wise for every wife to remember. That’s wise for all of us to remember. Words are to be used with care. Amen.