“31 But eagerly desire the greater gifts. And now I will show you the most excellent way. 1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient. Love is kind. it does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. 5 It is not rude. It is not self-seeking.”
As you can see, I am here waiting at the pharmacy. I am waiting to get a prescription filled for one of my children. The child is quite sick. These people in front of me seem like they are simply getting refills. They all look healthy. In my opinion, they can wait, but my child can’t wait and so I’m going to work my way to the front of the line. Now, I think we can agree that my attempt to cut in line is self-seeking and that it would not be received as love. My self-seeking would make an impact and it would not be the impact of love.
Now, however, I want you to ask yourself if what you are about to see is love. I’m still waiting to get a prescription filled for one of my children who is quite sick, but I don’t want to be self-seeking and so every time someone else approaches the line I let them go in front of me. It is obvious that love is not self-seeking, but does love require me to continue to fall to the back of the line? If love is not self-seeking, can you ever put yourself forward?
If love is not self-seeking, can you ever seek your own interests? If love is not self-seeking, can you, in good conscience, take a vacation when that money could certainly do more good for someone who is homeless than that vacation would do for you?
These are questions with which I imagine you’ve wrestled. Perhaps you’ve decided that your only option is to be self-seeking even though it isn’t loving because only you will take care of you. You don’t like this self-seeking world in which we live but this is the world in which you find yourself and you know that if you don’t put yourself first, no one else will. You’ve decided to cut in line so to speak.
Perhaps you’ve decided that self-seeking is wrong and that you must seek the good of others. You subscribe to the J-O-Y principle—Jesus first, then others, and then yourself—J for Jesus, O for others, and Y for yourself. You’ve noticed, however, that somehow it is never your turn. You have become the person perpetually at the back of the line at the pharmacy; you don’t know if you can stop allowing others to go first or even if you should.
Now I don’t think that either of those mindsets is all that wise. I don’t think either of those mindsets is the love that Paul had in mind. There is no need to be the man who cuts in line. You also don’t need to be the man who stays in the back of the line. Neither of those is love.
Love is not self-seeking; love cares about the interests of all, including yours. Love is not self-seeking; love cares about the interests of all, including yours. That is the claim of this sermon.
We will see this in two points. First: love is not self-seeking. Second: love has an extended heart.
First: love is not self-seeking. Love is not self-seeking. In other words, you cannot be blindly obsessed with your own wants and still act in love. You cannot forget about the interests of others and love others at the same time. Cutting in line is not love.
Self-seeking has no regard for the interests of others. It is “preoccupied with the interests of the self,” as Anthony Thiselton put it. Here are three examples to help you see if perhaps you are acting in a self-seeking way. Perhaps you are looking for romance. You want to be loved; that is great. However, you never give a thought to benefitting the person whose love you want. You don’t care what you could add to this other person’s life. You are preoccupied with yourself and that is what self-seeking romance looks like. That is not love. I’ve been that self-seeking.
Perhaps you are trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. You are trying to find a job that fits you perfectly. You are, however, only thinking about yourself. You are only asking the questions, ‘what job matches my personality? What job would be the most comfortable for me?’ You never take anyone else into account in your equations. You never ask yourself what benefit your life could make upon others; you only ask yourself what you want to do for yourself with your life. You are only focused on yourself and making sure that your job makes you happy. You give no thought to any responsibility to anyone else – the customer, the patient, the reader. You are preoccupied with yourself. That is self-seeking. I’ve been there.
Or perhaps you are a young person and it has never truly crossed your mind that your dad and mom have a life outside of you. Although you wouldn’t say it aloud, you consider yourself entitled to the resources for which they have worked. You assume that their money is your money to be used for your purposes. That is self-seeking.
Now romance, a rewarding career, and finances are not wrong desires. However, what you have just heard are clearly examples of self-seeking because they ignore the interests of others. The interest of your romantic partner is ignored. The interest of the public is ignored. The interest of your parents is ignored. Your self-seeking is wrong because it ignores the interests of others. My self-seeking is wrong because it ignores the interests of others.
I find myself falling into self-seeking for a number of reasons. Sometimes I’m self-seeking because I’m ignorant. I am simply unaware that anyone else has an interest at stake. Once during high school, I was riding home from a party with a friend. We were going to drop off a girl on the way back. Now my friend kept telling me that he was going to drop me off first. I told him it made more sense to drop off the girl first so that he and I could hang out. He made clear he would drop me off first. He did drop me off first. I couldn’t understand it. I wanted to hang out. My friend understood it. He married that girl whom he dropped off. I couldn’t see his agenda; he could. I was only thinking of my own desire to spend time with my friend.
Now that is a relatively harmless example, but I can be ignorant of desires that are stake when other decisions are made. I can be unaware that anyone else has a dog in the fight until it becomes a fight or until a decision is made and a major stakeholder is left out. I imagine that you are ignorant of other’s interests, at times, too. You, like me, have been too focused on yourself to notice others.
Sometimes I act in a self-seeking way because I’m afraid. I find myself facing a situation similar to one in which I’ve been hurt before and so I demand what I need with little concern for others. It isn’t that I don’t care about others, but in my fear of what might happen again, I only think of myself. When we are afraid, we tend to be quite self-seeking. Think of Peter on the night that Jesus was betrayed. Think of times when you were afraid.
Sometimes I act in a self-seeking way because I simply want what I want. There are times when I want an outcome so badly that I am blind to other’s interests. David lost sight of Uriah’s interests when he took Bathsheba. He lost sight of Bathsheba’s interests. He lost sight of the interests of his family and the interests of his kingdom. He simply wanted what he wanted, and he wanted Bathsheba. Joseph’s brothers lost sight of their father’s interests, and of course Joseph’s interests, when they sold their brother. They simply wanted what they wanted, and they wanted Joseph gone. Sometimes I simply want to be left alone and I don’t consider the interests of those who want to share time with me. Sometimes I simply want some peace and quiet and I don’t consider the interests of those who have every right to make a decent amount of noise. Sometimes I simply want closure in a situation, and I don’t consider the interests of the parties involved. I have my own tendencies towards self-seeking, and you have yours.
Now none of these desires were bad in and of themselves. It isn’t bad to want to spend time with a friend. It isn’t bad to consider your own concerns in a situation that frightens you. Desire for alone time isn’t wrong. When any of this causes you to lose sight of other people, however, it is quite wrong. It is self-seeking. It is sin.
There is something wrong in seeking your own interests when you forget about the interests of others. “Paul does not here reprove every kind of care or concern for ourselves, but the excess of it, which proceeds from an immoderate and blind attachment to ourselves,” as Calvin put it.
Now, the Christian can look out for his own interests. Jonathan Edwards is right, “a Christian spirit is not contrary to all self-love…Christianity is not destructive of [a man’s] humanity… the saints love their own happiness.” The Christian must, however, also look out for the interests of others. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others,” as Paul told the Philippians.
Jesus assumed that Christians would look out for their own interests when he taught, “love your neighbor as yourself.” He assumed that you love yourself and in so many ways you do. You brushed your teeth this morning so that you didn’t have dragon breath when you greeted other people; you did so because you care about your appearance. You dressed yourself properly today because you wanted to be warm enough. You care about your own well-being. You pay your bills because you don’t want to lose your house. You care about your financial security. You don’t need to be told to partake of that food you enjoy. You care about your own pleasures. You look out for your own interests—your appearance, your well-being, your financial security, and your pleasures. If you looked out for others that way it would clearly be an act of love and it is an act of love when you look out for your own interests.
There is nothing sinful about looking out for your own interests. There is nothing unchristian about doing for yourself what love does for others. There is nothing selfish about treating yourself the way that you are commanded to treat others.
There is, in fact, something foolish about looking out for the interests of others while neglecting your own. Think of it in terms of the instructions on an airplane regarding that oxygen mask which falls in an emergency. You are instructed to secure your own mask before helping the person next to you. You are of little help to anyone if you can’t breathe.
God’s people are not faulted for caring about themselves. Paul told Timothy to take care of his health. When Elijah was burned out, God commanded him to rest and eat. There is nothing wrong in caring for yourself. There is something wrong, however, with caring for yourself in such a way that you forget your obligation to others. “The excess [of self-seeking] lies in this,” says Calvin, “if we think of ourselves so as to neglect others, or if the desire of our own advantage calls us off from that concern, which God commands us to have as to our neighbors.” You can and must take care of your own interests but not in such a way that causes you to forget your duty to others.
When you do forget about the interest of others you make an impact on others. It is the impact of sin. When you behave in a self-seeking fashion, you treat others as a means to your end. ‘You only show any interest in me when you are after something,’ your wife says. ‘It seems that you only call me when you need money,’ says your dad. ‘You are very willing to ask me to compromise, but you never seem willing to move my way,’ says your business partner. Those are the words of people on the receiving end of self-seeking. That is not the sort of impact that you want to make.
The church in Corinth was quite self-seeking. They cared more about their own rights than about each other’s consciences. They cared more about their own agendas that each other’s interests. Paul rebuked them for it. Paul expected more from these Christians and he had every reason to do so. These men and women were presumably born of the Spirit. Their self had been displaced by a greater self. These Christians could no longer sit on the throne of their own lives. They could not retake the place they had ceded to Christ. They could no longer only look out for their own interests. They had to look out for the interests of others as well.
Now the unregenerate man, the man who is not born again, has not ceded the throne at his life. He is still the biggest self inside himself. He can’t help but live at the center of his own universe. The born-again man is different. He has a new heart and this heart is enlarged beyond himself. We see this in our second point: love has an extended heart.
Love is not self-seeking. Love has an extended heart. “Love enlarges [a man’s heart] and extends it to others,” as Jonathan Edwards put it. If you have ever seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas you’ve seen an example of how that works. It happened when the Grinch thought outside his own skin. “And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through!”
The Grinch’s heart extended beyond himself. It extended to the Whos down in Whoville. He no longer cared only for his own interests. He cared for their interests. “Others… become parts of himself,” as Jonathan Edwards put it, when, “their interest is promoted he looks on his own as promoted, and wherein their interest is touched his is touched.”
This extended heart is rather natural when it comes to your family. If you have a son, when that boy’s interest is promoted, your interest is promoted and so you rejoice when he rejoices and you mourn when he mourns. What the Christmas hymn said about Jesus is true of you when it comes to your family, “and he feels for all our sadness, and he shares in all our gladness.” The new birth extends this heart beyond your family. It extends your heart to the church. “We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other,” as John wrote.
If your heart is enlarged to this church, you will find yourself using your gifts on our behalf. You will teach others’ children in Sunday School as if they were your own. You will make decisions on council as if this were your family. You will use your gifts because not to use your gifts would be to look out only for your own interests and not for the interests of others.
Some of you might need to consider that you are acting in a self-seeking fashion when it comes to this church. “We are not to be primarily focused on fulfilling our own needs and desires, on solving our own problems, but we will focus mainly on the needs, concerns, and struggles of others and especially on God’s concerns,” as Wayne Mack put it. Can that be said of you? Is your heart extended to include this church? Christ’s was. The cross makes that clear. He didn’t look out for only his own interests. He looked out of yours too. If you have his spirit within you, you will become more like him.
Now if you don’t have his spirit within you and you are happy to look out for your own interests and only your own interests, that will not only have an impact on others as we’ve seen; it will also have an impact on you. “If you are selfish,” writes Jonathan Edwards, “and make yourself and your own private interest your idol, God will leave you to yourself, and let you promote your own interest as well as you can. But if you do not seek your own but the things of Jesus Christ, the things of others, God will make your interest and happiness His charge; and He is infinitely more able to provide for it and to promote it than you are.”
Consider the following list of men and women who sought their own interests and ignored the interests of others: Cain, Potiphar’s wife, Pharaoh, King Saul, Jezebel, Haman, Herod the Great at the birth of Jesus, Caiaphas and Pilate in the trial of Jesus, Judas. God let each of those individuals promote their own interest as best they could. It didn’t end well for any of them.
Now consider the following list of men and women who looked out for the interests of others in addition to their own: Abraham who looked out for his nephew Lot, Moses who choose to identify with the enslaved Israelites, Ruth who worked to provide for her mother-in-law, David who financially supported the grandson of his enemy King Saul, Esther who pleaded for the lives of her people, Paul who could say about other Christians that they were his very heart, Dorcas who was always doing good and helping the poor. God made their interest and happiness His charge, and He is infinitely more able to provide for it and to promote it than they were.
Now consider Jesus of Nazareth, who as the hymn says, “is all compassion, pure unbounded, love thou art.” Consider him who looked not only to his own interests but to the interests of others. You will find no self-seeking in the son of man, which is remarkable because his interests are infinitely more important than yours or mine. We spend so much time ignoring the interests of others and pursuing our own goals while God in the flesh was willing to to pursue your best interests to the point of death. If the extended heart of the Son of God doesn’t cause you to repent of your own self-seeking, I don’t know what will.
Consider the outcome of Jesus’ life. Consider what happened to this man who sought the interests of others.
“Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
Jesus sought not only his own interests but also the interests of others and so the Father made Jesus’ interest and happiness His own charge. This is the sort of outcome you want for your life. Resurrection and glorification is the sort of outcome you want from this time we call life. That is also the sort of impact you want to make with your life.
You want to make the sort of impact that Jesus has made upon you. He didn’t make that impact by seeking only his own interests. He made that interest by seeking your interests. You have been loved with an extended heart. Love with a heart extended to others. Amen.