“25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
29 What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs— how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
36 If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.
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“What am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for you? Well, I can’t do that, and there’s no turning back. I need time to move on. I need love to feel strong because I’ve had time to think it through and maybe I’m too good for you.” That was Cher’s last big hit, and it was all about being single because she’d been mistreated.
Roy Orbison’s first hit was about being single but wanting to be in a relationship, “Only the lonely know the way I feel tonight. Only the lonely know this feeling ain’t right.”
Nelly Furtado’s first hit was all about being single because something inside her can’t figure out how to settle down. “Though my love is rare, though my love is true, I’m like a bird. I’ll only fly away. I don’t know where my soul is. I don’t know where my home is.”
Each of those hits talks about a different aspect of singleness, but notice that each of them defined singleness in terms of what it isn’t—it isn’t being in a romantic relationship. That’s the usual definition of singleness. That’s an unhelpful one because it is a negative definition and negative definitions aren’t sufficient. No one is helped by being defined primarily in terms of what they aren’t. Men wouldn’t want to be defined as “non-women” or women as “non-men.”
The apostle Paul had a positive understanding of singleness. He didn’t define it in terms of what he lacked as a single man. We need to learn from him, particularly us as an American church because we’ve enshrined marriage; we’ve made it our business to become “family friendly”, as they put it. We’ve inadvertently relegated singles to second class citizenship, which is quite ironic because these Corinthians we will study were relegating the married to second class citizenship. Both errors are damaging because marital status isn’t ultimate and should never be treated as such; that’s the claim of this sermon: marital status isn’t ultimate and should never be treated as such.
We will study this in two points. First: these last days. Second: undividedly devoted. First, in verses 25-31, we will study these last days. Second, in verses 32-38, we see the call to be undividedly devoted—which is different from what you see on your outline.
First: these last days. If you are keeping track, this is our third use of 1 Corinthians in this series. 1 Corinthians is so valuable here because it is Paul’s response to sticky situations of the sort we are studying. He gave answers to specific questions about sexual sin, marriage, separation, divorce, remarriage, and being widowed; here in our verses, he was answering questions about another situation; verse 25, “now about virgins.”
When we hear that word “virgin” we think about it in terms of not having had physical intimacy. The Greek word which is here translated as “virgins” was also understood that way in Paul’s day, but it had another meaning—“betrothed”, which was their version of engagement.
Paul was answering questions about engagement—whether to get married or remain single—“now concerning the betrothed,” the engaged. Some Corinthian church members actively discouraged marriage because, as they saw it, the Holy Spirit had come and fleshly coupling was now unworthy of Christians. They believed the truly spiritual should remain single. Paul’s responded by laying out the case for both singleness and marriage.
Before we hear Paul’s words on singleness and marriage, we need to address verse 25 because it causes some misunderstanding, “I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.” Paul wasn’t saying that what follows was mere advice. He wasn’t saying, “what you’ve been reading so far is the word of God, but what’s coming now is the word of Paul.” He was saying that Jesus never gave an expansive teaching on singleness and marriage; in other words, “I have no command from the Lord.” Paul then went on to say that although Jesus never taught specifically on it, what follows does carry Jesus’ authority because, as Paul puts it in verse 25, “I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.”
The apostles took the teachings of Christ, which was, in so many ways, the teachings of the Old Testament, and interpreted that through the cross and resurrection and applied. They then applied that to the situations each church was facing. That’s what we have in this passage. That’s what we have in all the apostles’ letters.
Paul applied this to the Corinthians’ questions about singleness and marriage by explaining that now that Christ had come, they were living in the last days; that’s what’s going on with verse 26’s, “the present crisis” which is further explained by verse 29’s, “what I mean, brothers, is that the time is short.”
Paul lived in the last days. You live in the last days. Everything since the first coming of Jesus, and especially since his ascension, is considered the last days. That’s why Peter explained what was happening on Pentecost in terms of the last days. ‘This is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: “in the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people…”’ That’s why the letter to the Hebrews began by saying, “in the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by His Son.” That’s why the Bible ends with the words, ‘He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.’ That sounds like the last days to me.
People get tripped up on phrases like end times, last days, “I am coming soon”, and “the time is short” because it’s been two thousand years already and we think of those phrases in terms of length. Jesus and the apostles, however, were thinking in terms of what was left and there was only one event left—the return of Christ. Think of it in terms of one of Jesus’ favorite metaphor for the last days—the birthing process. Once the contractions truly begin only one event is left—the birth of that child. It might take two hours; it might take twenty-two hours, but that event is imminent.
We live after the contractions have begun but before the birth of the new creation. Just like that father and mother driving to the hospital will revolve everything around that upcoming moment of birth until it happens, so we Christians should revolve everything in our lives around the upcoming return of Christ until it happens. As Calvin put it, “the mind of a Christian ought not to be taken up with earthly things, or to repose in them; for we ought to live as if we were every moment about to depart from this life.”
This means that Christians cannot orbit their lives around the same centers of gravity as everyone else; verses 28-29, “from now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.”
This doesn’t mean that we disengage from this world; it means that we refuse to arrange our lives around what the people of this world arrange their lives around. You use money, but you don’t arrange your life around money because this world is passing away. If you are married, you love your spouse, but you don’t arrange your life around your spouse. You arrange it around Christ because he’s returning. If you are single, you don’t arrange your life around being single. You arrange it around Christ because he’s returning. As Gordon Fee put it, “[Christians] are simply not to let this age dictate their present existence. They are already marked for eternity—in the world but not of it.”
As a Christian, you refuse to let being single or married or the realities of your job or your interests and hobbies set the agenda for your life. Instead, you arrange your life by Christ’s return similar to the way in which a project manager arranges his life by the deadline. “Only one life, ‘twill soon be past; only what’s done for Christ will last.” That’s life in these last days.
That means the goal of the single life isn’t to get married; it is to please Christ because these are the last days. The goal of the single life to avoid winding up in a loveless marriage; it is to please Christ because these are the last days. The purpose of the married life isn’t to breathe easy because now you’ve got someone; it is to please Christ because these are the last days. The purpose of your married life isn’t to figure out how best to cut ties with your spouse because apparently you’ve married the wrong one; it is to please Christ because these are the last days.
The purpose of the Christian life is to please Christ and you can fulfill that purpose in whatever marital status you find yourself right now; that the logic of verses 26-27, “Are you married? Do not seek a divorce—[probably meaning breaking the engagement here]. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.” The message is that there is nothing standing in the way of you stopping this madness of revolving your life around this present age and starting to rotate your life around what Christ would have you do now.
Do you think Jesus ever thought about getting married? He saw his brothers get married. Some of his disciples were married. It takes a rather strange understanding of the incarnation to believe that this grown man never once noticed, “hey, I’m not married.” Jesus, however, didn’t let his singleness define him. He didn’t revolve his life around it. He lived to please God because of the last days.
You need to come to see that it is good for you to be right where you are right now. As Paul put it, “I think that it is good for you to remain as you are.” It’s good because you can arrange your life around God in your situation. The rub here, however, is that if we are honest, we usually don’t want to do that. We don’t want to see how we can do that as singles. We don’t want to see how we can do that in our marriages. It’s so much easier for us to live with the illusion that if only our situation changed, life would be good.
Paul’s goal was for the Corinthians to be concerned about something other than themselves in part because that is the road to fulfillment; that’s our second point: undividedly devoted. As we just saw, we are slow to arrange our lives around God. All too often we have exactly the same centers of gravity as our unbelieving neighbors. We worship at the same altars they do.
Marriage is one of those altars. Many of us think or thought marriage would answer our longings—and it does answer some—but what marriage certainly does is bring new allegiances which we must learn to navigate in order to remain undividedly devoted to the Lord. That’s the assumption behind verses 32-34, “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs— how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.”
It takes a lot of work to honor your husband without turning him into an idol who ticks you off because he doesn’t satisfy your every need. It takes a lot of work to cherish your wife without turning her into an idol who disappoints you because she doesn’t answer every longing. It takes a lot of work to raise your children in such a way that you don’t turn them into idols whose schedules dictate everything about your life. It takes work to remain undividedly devoted to the Lord with these new allegiances.
If you are single, you don’t have these competing allegiances. It is, in many ways, easier for you to maintain undivided devotion to the Lord. You aren’t tempted to rotate your life around a spouse’s desires. Now what you need to ask yourself is whether you are using this freedom to simply rotate your life around your own desires. What you need to ask yourself is whether you are spending the freedom pining for a spouse to rotate your life around. Neither of those are undivided devotion to the Lord and both of those will lead to discontent.
I did both. I was single for years and I used this freedom to rotate my life around me. My friends were stuck at home with the kids, but I could do whatever I wanted. At the same time, I wanted to be stuck home with kids. I wanted a wife and family to rotate my family around. Neither that freedom to rotate my life around me nor that longing to rotate my life around family I didn’t have was satisfying. Augustine could have told me that, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” Paul could have told me that, “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
If you are single, pray that you would want to use this freedom from competing allegiances to devote yourself undividedly to the Lord. Befriend other singles who are using their freedom to devote themselves undividedly to the Lord. It’s much more satisfying than rotating your life around yourself or around your desire for a family. I know that from experience too.
Now I’m married. There are particular longings that have been answered. I’m thankful for that. I am still however fighting the same battle to remain undividedly to the Lord. Instead of imagining that if only I had a wife I would be happy, I now get angry with my wife because—like any human—she lacks the power to make me happy. In other words, I get angry with her for not being God. Instead of imagining that my life would have purpose if I had children, I need to struggle from keeping them from becoming my life’s purpose because they will grow up to be their own men and women. They were never meant to be the center around which my life revolves. I wanted a family to rotate my life around and now I have to fight to rotate my life around God rather than their wants.
In some ways singleness was much harder and in other ways it was easier. It was easier in the sense that my idols were far off; now I dance with them and play with them. It’s very hard to sacrificially love what you think you need to be happy. In other ways, marriage is easier; I think that balance is part of what Paul’s after in verses 36-38, which end with “So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.” Neither are wrong. Both have their challenges, but single people tend to see the challenges more clearly than married people.
Now that might seem strange to you—this ruthlessness about evolving everything around God—being undividedly devoted to God as a single person, but that is the greatest commandment applied to singleness, “love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”
That’s an all too short word on singleness, and I hope that you can see how different that view is from our culture’s. It is different from what Cher, Roy Orbison, and Nelly Furtado offer. If you decide to think of your singleness the way they did, you’re missing the point. You’re missing the point of the last days. You’re missing the point of your freedom from competing allegiances. If, however, you decide to use this freedom to devote yourself undividedly to the Lord, you will start to think about your singleness the way Jesus thought of his. It’s not hard to decide who was more fulfilled in their singleness: Cher or Jesus, Roy Orbison or Jesus, Nelly Furtado or Jesus. What about you or Jesus? Learn from him. Amen.