“31 But eagerly desire the greater gifts. And now I will show you the most excellent way. 1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient. Love is kind. it does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. 5 It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered.”
I imagine that some of you have become quite skilled at walking on eggshells. You’ve been doing it for years and years. You are, after all, married to a woman who is offended easily. You did grow up in a house with a father whose anger had no rhyme or reason. You do have a child who seems to enjoy being offended. That has had an impact on you.
It is very possible that some of us here have made this impact. Your spouse might be walking on eggshells because you are often angry. Your children might live with a good deal of uncertainty because your anger is unpredictable. Your sin, like all sin, is having an impact on others and it is not the impact of love. I dare say that is not the impact you want to be making.
You cannot be quick to anger and quick to love. Please consider your response because you will have plenty of opportunities to show it. You cannot be quick to anger and quick to love. That is the claim of this sermon.
We will see this in two points. First: love is not easily angered. Second: love is big hearted and broad shouldered.
First: love is not easily angered. You probably know what it is like to be on the receiving end of the wrath of an easily angered person. You can most likely bear witness to the fact that such anger makes a very different impact from that of love. “Love is not touchy, with a blistering temper barely hidden beneath the surface of a respectable façade, just waiting for an offense, real or imagined, at which to take umbrage,” wrote D.A. Carson. “Love is not easily stirred up to disputes and contests,” wrote John Calvin. “Love does not overreact,” as Anthony Thiselton puts it. Wayne Mack agrees in his rendition of 1 Corinthians 13, “Love does not fly off the handle. Love does not have a fit.”
Those descriptions of being easily angered are definition enough to show you the impact of that way of life. Trying to get close to an easily angered individual is like trying to get close to a porcupine. Easily angered people make love difficult. They make love difficult because they make a very different impact from that of love.
Now not all anger is sinful. There is anger that is, in fact, motivated by love. Jesus was angry with the authorities of the temple because he loved the Gentiles who weren’t able to pray in the temple because of the authorities’ decisions. Such righteous anger, however, is not the anger of the man who is easily angered. To be easily angered is a sin.
To better understand this sin, it is helpful to put this anger into categories. Thomas Aquinas put sinful anger into three categories. The first category is that of being quick to anger. Some people respond to any frustration with immediate outrage. Irritation seems to be their knee jerk reaction to most of life.
The second category is that of being far too angered by an offense, real or imagined.. A child will not eat her beans and her father throws the bowl on the floor shattering it. Now he most likely isn’t only angry about those beans. That child’s refusal to eat those beans was probably the straw that broke the camel’s back, but that father’s response was certainly disproportionate. Easily angered people often respond this way.
The third category is that of holding on to anger for far too long. We humans can hang on to anger for decades. Some old men and women die angry about matters from their childhood. We refuse to forgive. We act out in passive-aggressive ways. We become brooding, sullen people. Easily angered people spend their lives in such misery even as they cause misery to others.
You might be quick to anger. You might show disproportionate anger. You might hang on to anger. Now, you don’t want to make the impact that anger makes upon others. Acknowledging your sin is part of confession, which is part of repentance, which is part of becoming more like Christ.
If you see yourself in what I’m saying, it would be wise for you to spend some time today asking yourself, ‘why am I so angry?’ Jesus’ brother James helps you answer that question; “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” he asks; “don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.”
You are angry, James says, because, as you see it, you are not receiving your due. You have unsatisfied desires and you are angry at whatever you think prevents you from being satisfied. Your unsatisfied desires are like a toddler who can’t open a cookie tin; these desires are furious that they cannot get what they want. You are angry because of unsatisfied desires.
You are also angry because you are broken by sin. “Why is wrath, or vicious anger, such a temptation for us?” asks Rebecca DeYoung. “Anger is deeply connected to our love of ourselves, especially our fear of exposure and our need for security. We seem to be in the constant business of bolstering our fragile egos.”
Failures, frustrations, and futility all have a way of revealing how very fragile we are, and we don’t like to be exposed that way; one response to this exposure is anger. Two weeks ago we saw that love is not rude. Some people are rude and behave like a bull in a china shop. Well, some people are easily offended – or angered -- and behave like fine china in a bull pen. They are far too fragile.
Now, easily angered people often enjoy their anger because this emotion is energizing. It is a feeling of strength, but sinful anger is, in fact, a response of weakness. “Anger often rains down with a big show of force,” writes DeYoung, “but perhaps the force is a big cover-up, an overcompensation for our own perceived weakness and vulnerability. Like a wounded animal backed into a corner, we’re on the defensive and lashing out because we feel threatened.”
Now none of this excuses you when you are quick to anger. It merely helps explain what is going on inside of you. There is a world of difference between explaining and excusing.
Being easily angered can’t be excused away because it is a sin and sin needs to be dealt with such. Sin cannot be explained away. It must be forgiven. For that to happen, you must look this sin in the face to deal with it as you ought. You need to confess it. You need to repent of it. You need to acknowledge that this is a sin for which Christ died.
You need to see being easily angered as sin. Perhaps you are regularly angry without any real cause. You need to face up to that. You need to acknowledge with Jonathan Edwards that, “It is a malignant and evil spirit, and not a loving spirit, which disposes men to be angry without a cause.” Being easily angered is not merely a bad habit into which you’ve fallen. It isn’t the proper response to this hard life you’ve lived. It isn’t the only way you could have responded to your poor upbringing. It is your sinful response to life; it is the response that you are making.
You need to ask yourself why you are so often angry. Why are you angry at people for making imperfect decisions just like you? Why are you angry with others for doing what you might easily have done in that same circumstances? Why are you angry with a decision that was made which was right and godly but happens to impinge upon you?
If you are easily offended, you need to recognize that this tendency has an impact. You make an impact with your anger and it is not the impact that you want to make. Rather than doing something constructive with what you are feeling, you do something destructive. Perhaps you are unwilling to have a reasonable conversation with your spouse about what is bothering you in your marriage and so you belittle one of your children to vent your frustration. Perhaps you will not set proper boundaries with your boss and so you kick the dog once you get off the phone with your boss because the dog won’t argue back. Rebecca DeYoung is right, “Even if we have a legitimate grievance, we can deal with it in destructive and disastrous ways.” Think back to a time when you were angry for a good reason but dealt with it in a poor way. That made an impact.
What you do with your anger matters a good deal. People often act like a fool in anger and therefore people who are easily angered often act like fools. They express their anger in brash ways. They don’t seem to have any goal in expressing their outrage other than expressing their outrage. Their anger does nothing to better the person on the receiving end of it. Jonathan Edwards was wise to point out the foolishness of, “when men are angry without considerately proposing any end to be obtained by it. This anger is rash and inconsiderate.”
Habitually angry people not only harm others; they also harm themselves. “Undue anger destroys the comfort of him that indulges it,” as Edwards puts it; “men of an angry and wrathful temper, whose minds are always in a fret, are the most miserable sort of men, and live a most miserable life… God does not call Christians… to spend a great part of their time in fretfulness, and to have their minds commonly stirred and rustled with anger.”
You would be wise to be slow to anger if for no other reason than for your own sake. If the impact you are making upon others isn’t enough to urge you to change, if the example and death of Jesus for this sin aren’t enough to compel you to change, perhaps self-interest will motivate you. Even if you aren’t a Christian, you don’t want to spend your life in anger. “Persons who will be angry at every fault they see in others will be sure to be always kept in a fret,” as Edwards puts it; “their minds will never be composed, for we cannot expect any other in this world than continually to see faults in others, as there are continually faults in ourselves.”
Easily angered people find more reasons for outrage than others do. They also get something out of their anger. If you are easily angered, you must get something out of it because you keep doing it. Fredrick Buechner is right, “of the seven deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
Easily angered people are rarely happy people. They are rarely enjoyable people to be around for any length of time. They find themselves largely friendless. Even the book of Proverbs says to avoid friendships with such people; “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”
Perhaps the hardest part about this situation is that easily angered people on some level do want relationships. They want love like we all do, but they can’t be told why they don’t have it. No one can tell them that they are easily angered because they get angry when anyone dares to speak the truth in love.
This anger has an impact. It has an impact on all your relationships. It has an impact on our church. You will find it hard to convince any man in this church that you love him if you are easily angered. You will find it hard to convince any member of your family that you love them if you are easily angered. “Telling our wives or husbands we love them is not convincing if we continually get upset and angry at what they say and do. Telling our children that we love them is not convincing if we often yell at them for doing things that irritate us and interfere with our plans,” as John MacArthur put it. If you are easily angered, that anger is having an impact on your family and on your church although you doubtlessly make many good impacts this is not one that is appreciated.
Easily angered people would do well to consider Jesus. He wasn’t easily angered; he wasn’t easily offended, and he had far more cause than any of us to be angry and offended. If you are offended by the way that others have treated you, I dare say that you have been treated better than Jesus. If you are angry about what others think about you or what they say about you, consider Jesus who knew everyone’s what everyone thought and said about him. He didn’t go around in anger setting the record straight. He wasn’t quick to anger or quick to take offense. You don’t’ need to act this way.
Jesus has far more cause to be angered and offended than you or I. Try to imagine the potential irritation of living as the holy God in this unholy world. Try to imagine the potential frustration of seeing people you’ve created turn on all that is good, true, and beautiful. Jesus lived that life for years and was not offended the way that we are. We Christians tend to be pretty easily offended by the sin around us when our savior behaved quite differently. He who has far more cause for offense and anger is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love while we, his followers, are so often slow to steadfast love and abounding in anger and offense. We Christians are known for that. God have mercy and us.
God is willing to have mercy on us. You see that at the cross. Jesus died to save sinners. Being quick to anger and offense is a sin. The impact you are making by this sin is sin, but the good news regarding sin is that sin can be forgiven. Take your sin to the cross and recognize that only the blood of Jesus can cleanse it away. Recognize that God is remarkably eager to forgive it. Grace is His idea.
Love is not easily offended. Rather, love has a big heart and broad shoulders. That’s our second point.
In many ways, Jesus is love personified. Love has a big heart and broad shoulders. Jesus has a big heart and broad shoulders. By saying that Jesus has a big heart, I mean that he is quick to love. By saying that Jesus has broad shoulders, I mean that he is slow to anger.
Consider the big heart and broad shoulders required to spend every moment for the three years with disciples who regularly misunderstood you. Consider the big heart and broad shoulders required to spend three years seeking the best interests of a man whom you knew would betray you unto death.
You see other examples of big hearts and broad shoulders throughout Scripture. Consider David’s response to Saul. He continued to honor this king who sought to kill him. He was guilt-stricken about even cutting off the corner of his robe. He quickly forgave Saul even as he wisely kept his distance from him. He mourned his death as the death of a friend.
Consider David’s response to Shimei. Shimei was a relation of Saul. When David had to flee for his life from his son Absalom, Shimei walked behind David for quite a while cursing him, “Get out, get out, you murderer, you scoundrel! The Lord has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The Lord has given the kingdom into the hands of your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a murderer!” One of David’s men offered to kill Shimei, but David responded, ‘What does this have to do with you? If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, “Curse David,” who can ask, “Why do you do this?”’ It takes a very big heart and very broad shoulders to respond that way.
From more recent history, you can think of Martin Luther King Jr. Now King was by no means perfect but since when has perfection been necessary for admiration? King couldn’t have done all that he for the good of this country unless he was slow to take offense. You see his big heart and broad shoulders in the words, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
You can see a big heart and broad shoulders in this Corinthian correspondence. The Corinthians treated Paul quite poorly. They weren’t impressed by his public speaking abilities. They didn’t think he was near as impressive as the flashy and successful super-apostles. The Corinthians would pity any church that had Paul as their pastor, which means they would pity any church that had a man who wrote 13 out of the 27 books of the New Testament as their pastor. It is to such people that Paul wrote this chapter on love and he wrote it motivated by love. As Paul later told them, “we have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us.” Paul could not have pastored as he did unless he had a big heart and broad shoulders.
Just as we have plenty of examples of men and women who are quick to anger, so we have many examples of men and women who are, in James’ words, “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” You need to ask yourself which group you plan to be part of.
If you are big-hearted, you will genuinely care for the welfare of others. Paul genuinely cared for the welfare of these Corinthians and you see the proof in his letters and visits. Jesus genuinely cares for the welfare of humanity and you see the proof in his incarnation and crucifixion. If you are big hearted, you will be quick to love.
If you are broad-shouldered, you will overlook offenses. What is true about the prudent in Proverbs 21:16 will be true about you, “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” Love overlooks an insult. Love overlooks an annoyance. Broad shouldered men are slow to take offense because they know that whatever offensive words or deeds a man says and does are almost always about that man. Broad shouldered women are able to hold their tongue when necessary not because they are doormats but because they know it makes no sense to argue with a fool in the midst of her folly.
Broad shouldered Christians are more concerned with an offense against God than they are with offense against themselves. There was, and still is, a big hearted, broad shouldered pastor in the first church I served. That man was hard to offend, but as I watched him in ministry I noticed that he was quick to deal with sin. He was quick to deal with sin because it was an offense against God. He cared more about an offense against God than he did about an offense against himself. Ask yourself if that can be said of you.
Love is big-hearted and broad-shouldered and, of course, there is no one as big-hearted or broad-shouldered as God. He isn’t easily offended. He is slow to anger. Popular conceptions of God as having a hair-trigger temper have no basis in Scripture. He is slower to anger than anyone in this sanctuary or anyone alive.
He is steadfast in love. He is quicker to love than anyone you have ever met. It is no over-statement to say that “God is love”. It can’t be said that Adam is love. It can’t be said that you are love. It can be said about God.
It can be said about Jesus. He bore with this sinful world to the point that as he hung from the cross, he could say from his heart, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”
Now if that offer of undeserved forgiveness has changed you, you will want to love as you’ve been loved. You have received big-hearted, broad-shouldered love and you will want to share big-hearted, broad-shouldered love. If the goal of your life is to share the love that Jesus has shared with you, you are born again. You have been crucified with Christ and you no longer live, but Christ lives in you. This life that you are living, you are living by faith in the Son of God who loved you and gave himself for you. If that is the case, what reason do you have for being easily angered when Christ isn’t?
Christ didn’t endure offense after offense without being angered so that you could remain easily angered. He cried out, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do,” to make a change. He died to make an impact on you. He made the impact of love. This is the impact that the Christian is born again to make. You are born again to be big hearted. You are born again to be broad shouldered. You are born again to love as you’ve been loved. Amen.