LaCroix

Anywhere between one-half and two-thirds of my net income is currently tied up in LaCroix.  If you haven't enjoyed a LaCroix today, I urge you stop reading and do so.

LaCroix is essenced sparkling water.  I have no idea how that differs from flavored sparkling water, but I can tell you how the difference feels.  It feels like the difference between an Apple computer and a PC.  This essence tastes the way an obscure but understood literary allusion feels to the mind.  This essence tastes the way the residue of a good dream feels as you drift back to sleep to recapture it.

I began drinking LaCroix because carbonation delights me but I don't want the sugar of regular pop nor the artificial sweeteners of diet.  It does seem to be healthier as this rather erratic article makes clear.  I do not plan to stop drinking LaCroix until I die and then I hope to be buried in a tomb surrounded by refrigerated cases of it the way that Pharaohs were buried with food and conopic jars.

I have noticed that the last two ounces of a LaCroix tends to be less carbonated than the last two ounces of a can of pop.  As a result, I let my children enjoy these two ounces.  I think this is for the best because these last two ounces are a bit watered down and I don't want their taste buds to peak too early.

I have partaken of the following flavors/essences:

Coconut - this tastes like a piña colada and getting caught in the rain.

Lemon - I remember this tastes exactly the way I thought it would, which was a strange experience.

Lime - this was the first LaCroix I drank.  It is a gateway LaCroix.

Mango - this taste is reminiscent of the more wholesome aspects of a Jimmy Buffett concert.

Pear/Peach - this tastes like nothing similar to the way perfect room temperature feels like nothing on your skin.

Berry - I had high hopes for this one, but I think it may simply be Pear/Peach in a different can.

Passionfruit - this is a very solid entry.  If LaCroix were a baseball team, Passionfruit would bat third.

Grapefruit - this is the apex of essenced taste.  If you are getting married and looking for a drink to mark your first toast, you have just found it.  I'm afraid to buy this again lest I tire of the taste and then everything else will become dust and ashes.

(full disclosure - the About Me section of this website is subsidized by LaCroix, lime flavor).