“1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
“Can we all get along?” That was the question asked by Rodney King during the Los Angeles riots of 1992. The riots broke out after four LAPD officers were acquitted of charges of excessive force against King. The riots went on for six days. By the end 63 people were killed, 2,383 were injured, and more than $1 billion worth of property was destroyed. On day three of the riots, Rodney King gave an impromptu press conference on the street and with tears in his eyes said, “People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?”
Now you might have thoughts about what happened in LA, and you might have thoughts about Rodney King, but King’s question remains, “Can we all get along?”
How would you answer if King asked you that question? Imagine that you are the mayor of LA and you hear King say. “People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?” What would you say? Would you say that we can all get along?
In many ways it seems that the answer is, ‘no, apparently we can’t all get along.’ Human history from Cain and Abel forward is largely a demonstration of the fact that we can’t get all along. It doesn’t seem to be getting better. The last century was the bloodiest of all.
We are familiar with the notable examples of our inability to get along—warfare, riots, genocide—but there are millions upon millions of examples at the local level. There are ruptured friendships, there are fractured families, there are toxic churches, and there are any number of very lonely people who would rather be alone than risk any relationship because they fear they know the answer to King’s question, “Can we all get along?”
What keeps us from getting along? If we could locate the problem, we could work towards a solution. If you were to do a study regarding the reasons for the LA riots of 1992, what conclusions do you think you would reach? Why couldn’t those people get along? If you were to do a study of a particular family, maybe your own family, what conclusions would you reach? Why can’t people get along?
There are no easy answers to that question, but we do have some legitimate answers. They don’t answer everything, but what they do answer, they answer accurately.
We fight, in part, because we have insatiable and unsatisfied desires. That is the beginning of an answer to Rodney King’s question and that is the claim of this sermon: we fight, in part, because we have insatiable and unsatisfied desires.
We will see this in two points. First: insatiable desires. Second: unsatisfied desires. First, from verse 1 through the third sentence of verse 2, we see insatiable desires. Second, from the fourth sentence of verse 2 through verse 3, we see unsatisfied desires.
First: insatiable desires. James has been wading into the troubled waters of a first century church. There was apparently a fair bit of divisiveness in that congregation. They were slandering one another. Their dissatisfaction and pride were leading to disorder and all kinds of evil practices in their church and in their lives.
What we have studied over the last few weeks have been a preparation for the question James will now raise, “what causes fights and quarrels among you?”
James didn’t want simplistic answers of blame. ‘What causes fights? He causes fights. Do you know what he did?’ That answer doesn’t dig deep enough and if you are in a conflict right now and your answer is purely one of blame, your answer doesn’t dig deep enough.
Answers filled with blame don’t produce peace, as in the way things should be, and they don’t produce righteousness, as in correspondence to the character of God and that is what we are after. The natural instinct in a conflict, which is to exonerate one’s own side and to blame the other side, never produces relationships as they were meant to be nor relationships that look anything like the character of God.
The body of Christ is to live together like Christ lived on earth to show the world that the relationships which we all desire are possible. This church was instead showing the world that the relationships which they desired apparently could not be found in the local church. The Jewish philosopher Spinoza saw that in his day. He looked at the church and said, “I have often wondered that persons who make boast of professing the Christian religion –namely love, joy, peace, temperance, and charity to all men—should quarrel with such rancorous animosity and display daily towards one another such bitter hatred, that this, rather than the virtues which they profess, is the readiest criteria of their faith.” Spinoza didn’t expect to find love, joy, peace, temperance, and charity to all men in the local church. He expected to find quarrelling, animosity, and hatred.
Now I don’t know the history of this congregation. I don’t know what fights and quarreled have filled our history, but I do know that James asked the question, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” because such fights and quarrels are grossly out of place for the church. This is not the way church is supposed to be but too often it is the way that church is.
Why? This is, in many ways, the same question Rodney King asked, “Can we all get along?” James asks his question and answers in the rest of verse 1, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
Fights and quarrels come from desires battling within us. Now James isn’t simply saying different people desire different outcomes and so fights are inevitable. He isn’t saying that Republicans believe in limited government and Democrats believe in pro-active government and so they fight. He isn’t saying that a husband wants to go to Culvers and his wife wants to go to HuHot and so a fight is inevitable. You can have different desires without fighting. You can disagree without fighting.
Fights arise from the insatiable desires within us, from, in the words of James, “desires that battle within you.” Fights arise when you or someone else demands satisfaction and demands it now. A man who believes that Culvers is simply preferable to HuHot will not quarrel. A man who believes that only Culvers will satisfy him will quarrel. A man who believes that Culvers can satisfy him totally will quarrel if he doesn’t get Culvers.
I chose this food illustration because the concept of being hangry—hungry and angry—gets at what James is saying. The hangry man demands satisfaction. He demands it now. He believes that if he gets what he wants he will be completely satisfied.
The man who demands satisfaction from Culvers rather than HuHot isn’t just demanding a full stomach because both restaurants could give that; he believes that getting what he wants will satisfy him. He believes that getting what he wants will truly satisfy him.
That is not how life works. What Calvin said about this man is true, “Were even the world given to him, he would wish other words to be created for him.”
When a man thinks any created thing will finally satisfy him, he will never be satisfied. He will fight because he thinks that what he wants will bring satisfaction and yet he is never completely satisfied. He fights for satisfaction and he fights because he is unsatisfied.
You will never be satisfied with anything less than the infinite because you have infinite desires. Rockefeller pointed that out when it came to money. He was asked, “How much money is enough money?” He replied, “Just a little bit more.”
There are all sorts of people who think they will be satisfied when they get just a little bit more. It is always a bit more money, one more vacation, one more affirmation, one more degree, one more lover before I feel good about me. When a man demands such satisfaction, that man will fight and that man will quarrel to get what he thinks he wants and when it doesn’t satisfy him, he will continue to quarrel. “You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight.”
You fight because you lust after something, to use a helpful old word that now sadly only applies to sex. To lust after something is to demand satisfaction from something now. If you demand satisfaction from chocolate now, you are lusting after it. You can lust after coffee. You can lust after learning. You can lust after control. You can lust after anything. And when you do, what Calvin said is true about you, “the soul of man is insatiable, when he indulges wicked lusts; and truly it is so; for he who suffers his sinful propensities to rule uncontrolled, will know no end to his lust.”
How much affirmation is enough affirmation for someone who demands it? How many friends need to tell a woman who wants to hear that she is beautiful that she is beautiful before she believes it? The woman who craves affirmation will never get enough affirmation. When her husband and friends fail to fill this void, and, of course, they can’t help but fail, there is strife.
Or imagine a husband who lusts after pleasure. If his desires are insatiable and he refuses to keep them in check, he will treat his wife as a mere object of his pleasure. How much pleasure will be enough for him? The husband who lusts after this pleasure will never be satisfied. When his wife, or pornography or whatever else, fails to fill this void, and, of course, they can’t help but fail, there is strife.
This strife can get nasty. This is why James uses the word kill in verse 1, “You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight.”
Now there is no reason to think that there were literally murders in that congregation over whatever it was that they were fighting about. Murder is, however, “the hypothetical eventuality” of quarrels, to borrow a phrase from Doug Moo.
Church quarrels do descend into slander, anonymous letters, and unfounded accusations. These are just manifestations of the hatred which is at the root of murder. Jesus is clear that many people who have never physically murdered anyone have still broken the commandment, “you shall not murder.”
Churches descend into these quarrels when members try to find satisfaction in what will never satisfy. Churches never fight about something like the color of the carpet. They fight about the power to control the decision-making process to decide on the carpet because each individual in the fight believes that power will satisfy something inside. They fight about the power to control the future of the church, which that carpet somehow signifies, because each individual in the fight believes that the future which they want is somehow absolutely necessary now.
The same is true in marriages. People are never fighting over simple matters of money or sex. They are fighting about desires. “Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
Now, “Is it wrong to desire the gentle caress of a husband’s hand or the kind words from a wife’s tongue?” asks Dave Harvey. He answers, “Absolutely not. But even things that are good for a marriage can be corrupted if they are defined as needs [as in ‘I need this to be satisfied’]. The problem is not that we desire—desire is completely natural; it’s that our desires become juiced with steroids.” Our desires are out of control and that’s why we fight and that’s why we are fought with.
Jesus is all the proof you need. What kind of people would crucify a man who did the sort of things that Jesus did? What sort of people would crucify a man who healed the sick? What sort of people would crucify a man who spoke the truth? What sort of people would crucify a man who could raise the dead? People with insatiable desires would crucify a man like that. They would crucify him for not meeting their expectations. They would crucify the God who could give them anything because he would not give them what they wanted on their own terms. I would do that. It is our insatiable demands and the sinful ways that we fill them that put Jesus on that cross.
Humanity desperately needs help. We have a sickness unto death. Insatiable desires roar within us and we can’t satisfy them and so we fight with each other to get what we want. Husbands fight with their wives to find satisfaction. Wives fight with their husbands to find satisfaction. People fight those whom they love to fill the void inside; people hate those they hate to fill the void inside.
We need wisdom for our foolish age. We need the humility to listen to God in this prideful age. God gives it, but we need ears to hear. That is our second point: unsatisfied desires.
Why is a man not satisfied? Verse 2, “You do not have, because you do not ask God.” Now James isn’t saying that you satisfy your insatiable desires by simply praying for what you want. That is clear in the next verse, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
God isn’t in the business of satisfying your insatiable desires. If you are continually looking for affirmation on your own terms, God will not supply it. If you are a husband and your demands for pleasure are a cause for strife in your marriage, recognize that there is a good deal more going on than your satisfaction and recognize that God is under no obligation to fulfill your desires. He will leave them unfulfilled. Calvin is right, “though they sought [though they prayed], yet they were deservedly denied; because they wished to make God the minister of their own lusts.”
James isn’t telling us to simply pray for satisfaction in your lusts because God will never satisfy a heart which refuses to be satisfied in Him. Think it through; how could God satisfy a heart which refuses to be satisfied in Him? How could God satisfy any man with anything finite if that man refuses to be satisfied with what is infinite? God could give that woman all the affirmation for which she could ever dream, and it would not be enough. God could give that man pleasure beyond his wildest imagination and it would not be enough. Remember what Calvin said, “Were even the world given to him, he would wish other words to be created for him.”
You must seek satisfaction in God and that which God chooses to give. If you are a Christian, you have the responsibility to be as satisfied in God as you can. You seek will satisfaction somewhere—we all do—and you must seek it in God and that which God chooses to give you. That is how you follow CS Lewis’ wisdom to a friend, “It is a Christian duty, as you know, for everyone to be as happy as he can.”
Are you satisfied in God? Is He enough for you? Can you honestly say, “you can have all the world but give me Jesus”? Listen to Psalm 16:11, “You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.” Listen to Jesus, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” Listen to Jesus, “I have come that they might have life and have it to the full.” If you don’t think that Jesus is into satisfaction, I beg you to pick up your gospels and read.
Being satisfied in God and in what God gives is the only way to contentment and that is also the only way to peace with others. When your desires are filled by God, verses 1-2 no longer arise within you with a vengeance, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight.”
That is part of why the new creation will be filled with peace. Everyone will be satisfied God and so there can be no fights and quarrels among us.
Until then, we need to listen to Calvin: “what we in moderation wish, we ought to seek from God Himself; which if it be done, we shall be preserved from… doing any injury to others.”
Pray for what you want and then find contentment in what God chooses to give. If you aren’t content in what God has given, you will demand satisfaction from others and that can’t help but cause trouble.
You never see Jesus demanding satisfaction from another person. Reading the gospels, you never get the sense that having a bit more of anything, including winning an argument, would have made Jesus any happier. Jesus found all his satisfaction in this, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” He found His satisfaction in his Father and what his Father chose to give and so he was able to love us sacrificially rather than use us for his own satisfaction.
I don’t know all the fights might exist right now within this church. I don’t know all the quarrels in your family. In the end the specifics of these fights are not that relevant. We always think they are. ‘Do you know what he did?’ ‘You won’t believe what she said.’ We think the particulars are the heart of the matter. We think that blame is the place to begin.
Notice that James didn’t even name the specifics of the fight in that church. He didn’t name the specifics because they weren’t all that relevant. It is always the same story and the story always has to do with insatiable and unsatisfied desires.
Now if you make no attempt to curb your insatiable desires and if you are unwilling to find fulfillment in God and in what God chooses to give, then you are causing trouble in your relationships. You might see it, or you might not, but based on these verses you know that it is there.
If you recognize yourself in these words, repent. Tell God, ‘I haven’t found you all that satisfying, and I haven’t found what You’ve given me all that satisfying, and the fault lies in me. I’m angry with my wife because I want something from her that I should find in you. I’m grumbling about this or that in my church or my family or my workplace not just because I disagree but because whatever bothers me somehow takes away the satisfaction that I am supposed to be finding not in what I demand now, but in You and what You have given.’
Any of us could be praying that prayer this evening because we must all be fighting against insatiable and unfulfilled desires until our infinite desires come face to face with an infinite God. Augustine was right, “Lord, You have made us for yourself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You.” Amen.